There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
