EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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