I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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