A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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