I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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