If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
