Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
