Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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