It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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