He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
