You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
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i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
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Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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