Someone shit on the floor
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
