you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
