wakey wakey hands off snakey
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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