All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
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