I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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