I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
