I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I'm having to shit out rocks
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