perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Randomize
