Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
