Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
