i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
