i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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