yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
My penis needs a shock collar
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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