EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
