so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
