God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
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He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
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I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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