then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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