after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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