I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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