one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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