I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
We got so high we made milksteak
She bit a glass in half.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
