there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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