I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
