After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
