I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
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im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
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Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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