if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
