nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
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There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
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You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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