Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
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