I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
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