you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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