i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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