Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
