I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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