They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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