Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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