You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
