The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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