I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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