i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
