shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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