Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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