I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
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Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
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I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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