So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
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Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
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" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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