And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
