Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
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I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
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I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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