Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
of course. lets lasso hookers.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
