Im at strip club and am horny
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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