where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
