i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
