I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize