I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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