At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
