I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
