He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
