I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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