I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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