worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
