I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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