woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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