I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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