I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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