you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
